Clarify the purpose (why are you running this?) and function (how is the ritual supporting this?)
In my case, the purpose is twofold: i) emotionally connect with the people who've supported me, ii) honor the importance of Cambridge in my life
The gathering and festive mood, comfort at initial music and food, then a space with symbol and explicit sharing of experiences/memories lead a deliberate, sincere mood.
Decide on a high-level structure.
In accordance with the purpose, we have casual connection for the first half. Light music, fruit, question prompts support contact with each other. In the second half, we have a more formal ritual where everyone enters a different space and comes forth to offer something. I'll hand everyone a flower that they place in a circle. They offering is optional and may now be an item, a personal reflection, a song.
Do a light rehearsal to revisit obvious confusions.
By walking into my room, imagining my eight friends behind me, I realized there would be no place to comfortably sit for half the group. So instead I've decided to have everyone leave the living room temporarily, then slowly re-enter with a flower. I also realized it makes more sense to explain the ritual before anyone gets.
I woke up feeling a curling anxiety at leaving Cambridge — my home for the last eight years. In my midsection was a grief-fear, tension folding inwards… am I really going to embark again on an open-ended journey?
The ritual itself was perfect. Wistful tenderness, welling tears. Standing there, each of us holding a flower, the space was so caring.
At the end, something in me unfurled. The grief felt honored, and a deep resolution.
